Deadly Silence
by apriiil
Summary: Cobra doesn't understand Lucy's cravings for blue-iced treats in the slightest. But he has also somehow yet to learn that one should never mess with a pregnant woman's food, not unless one wants to be threatened. One-shot.


_I felt like writing some CoLu for a change, and I figured I should probably start working on some of the one-shots and drabbles and such I've had on my 'to write at some point' list for way too long. Plus, I was kind of bored tonight. So, CoLu._

 _I tried._

 _Anyway. Funny story: this was supposed to be much longer, and M for some oh so colourful threats. But, you know, didn't happen. So we're sticking with less than 1k words and a nicer threats. I'll find another story to use the M rated threats in. (And, before you ask... No, I will not stop writing family/Mama Lucy stories. I like it too much for some weird reason.)_

* * *

There were many things that Cobra found himself questioning more than he probably should. Like, just why his daughter was so set on painting herself, the walls in their living room, the top of their dining table and everything _but_ her actual colouring books and papers obnoxious colours that they really should not be, for example. Or why Meredy was so obsessed with sugar, or why it was that Sorano still insisted she was a literal angel when she was literally anything but that. Or, most frequently, it was just how the fuck Lucy got away with appearing sane and kind all the time when she was possibly the most frightening person he knew.

He'd only been wondering that for near on a decade though, and at that point, Cobra was sure it was just one mystery he would never solve.

For Cobra though, it was just another one of those days where he still found himself wondering just what was going on as he watched his partner in crime (and life, probably) silently continue knitting whatever the fuck it was she'd been working on for the last two weeks (a blanket or a scarf or something, maybe), before setting it all down on her lap just to reach for another one of the cookies with the baby blue icing on the plate beside her. Of all the things that Lucy had craved throughout her pregnancies, the blue-iced foods were the most perplexing to Cobra. Especially since with Katia, their five-year-old who was presently colouring the entire page in front of her a dark purple, Lucy had been on one epic health food binge.

But with that baby? It was just sugar, sugar, and more sugar. Mostly in the form of blue icing. And Cobra had absolutely no fucking idea why.

"Uh, Bright Eyes?" He set the pillow he'd been hugging to his chest while watching the Lacrima-vision aside and got up to head for Lucy on her favourite armchair and to confiscate her food. "How about you lay off the cookies for a little while?"

Lucy slapped her dragon's hand away from the plate as soon as it got close. "Don't even think about it."

"Come on," he pleaded – warily, of course. Erik was a little scared of what was to come. He was always scared. "You know Wendy's already mad at you for eating stuff you ain't supposed to. Enough with the sugar for today."

Lucy didn't even get a chance to argue that she really was most definitely not done with her blue-iced cookies for the day when Katia was clambering up from where she'd been sitting and presenting her, er… _masterpiece_ to them – the masterpiece that was literally just a page torn from one of her colouring books that she had scribbled on in nothing but purple and orange crayons. You could almost make out the giraffe outline that was behind it. "Mummy! Daddy! Look!"

Cobra fought the urge to roll his eye before he looked down to his daughter. "Hey, would you look at that!" _That is absolute garbage._ _What the fuck is that even supposed to be?_ "I think that one's gotta go on the fridge, kid." _Next to the other garbage._

"Oh, definitely!" Lucy agreed. She was most definitely certain that their daughter had gotten her artistic ability from Erik. Without a doubt. "It's wonderful, sweetheart. How about we go put it on the fridge now?"

With Katia quickly nodding her maroon-haired head, Cobra was stepping aside as Lucy set her yarn and work-in-progress scarf down to get up. He saw Lucy taking their daughter into the kitchen to showcase her 'artwork' to anyone who decided to look at their fridge as his opportunity to get his hands on the rest of the cookies. He figured he'd have at least a minute before she'd be coming back, and there were only three left on the plate, so he could probably just quickly shove them all into his mouth and do that thing where Natsu seemingly swallows food without even chewing it… Or maybe just quickly run and throw the entire plate out the window. He had to try and get Lucy to stop eating them so much. Wendy was getting on his back about her horrible eating habits that time around now too, but at the very least, Cobra figured he had to be at least a little glad that the cookies took her a little while longer to get through. She'd only made that batch the previous afternoon, and she'd already had thirteen of them in the last twenty-four hours, and really, that was much more reasonable than that time they'd been sitting up in bed and he'd just sat there and watched her devour six sugar-coated donuts in less than thirty minutes.

But still, the cookies had to go. For now, at least.

So Cobra was glancing back to the arch he'd just watched his two favourites go through and was reaching for the plate of cookies again, only to freeze and stare in horror at his hand hovering right above the lip of the plate.

 _'If you so much as **think** about touching my cookies, you will be finding out just how sharp my knitting needles really are, darling.' _

And just like that, his hand was retreating and Cobra was returning to his spot on the lounge, right as his partner in crime came back into the room with a smile that was far too innocent for who she really was.


End file.
